my reasons to quit

there's always a hundred different reasons to quit.  here's mine:

my son:  i have a 2-year-old boy and i really want to stay alive so that i can see him grow up to be a man.  i would also love to have more kids some day.  i'm always worried that my son might breathe in some second-hand smoke, and i'm also scared about what i will have to tell him when he starts asking me about my smoking.  he is growing up so fast and i know that pretty soon i will have to explain to him what is going on.  besides that, i really feel like i want to be a good father and set the right example for him - and how can i do that with a cigarette in my hand?

my health:  this suddenly become a big issue in the last year.  i think the fact that my health had never suffered before was one of the reasons i used to convince myself that my smoking habit was not that bad.  i've always been into exercise and fitness, and somehow i've managed to keep exercising and smoking at the same time.  this means that i hardly smoke at all during the week, and then on the weekend when i'm partying instead of working out, i binge on cigarettes.  i almost think that this might be more unhealthy than just smoking a set amount each day, as my body is constantly subjected to extremes.  also now that i my son is in daycare, he brings home a different cold almost every month.  i got sick more times in the last year than ever in my life, and i think that smoking not only lowered my immune system, but it also made my symptoms much worse.  finally, a few months ago, i came down with acute bronchitis and almost passed out in a restaurant after having trouble breathing.  it took me 6 weeks to recover, but afterwards, i started smoking again.  i think that was when i realized that i was hopelessly addicted and need to quit for good.

my wife:  one of the hardest things i'll be facing during this journey is that my wife is also a smoker and has absolutely no interest in quitting.  she smokes about 2-4 cigarettes each day and doesn't feel like it's affecting her life in any way.  in the past when i have tried to quit, i've begged her to join me, but she's never really been into it.  after relapsing and feeling intensely frustrated and angry at myself, i've even blamed her for my failure.  that was a horrible thing to do, and i don't want to ever make her feel that way again - i just want to quit.  i'm going to do this on my own.  i'm going to do this while my wife's pack of cigarettes (also my favorite brand) sits on the table outside right now.  i'm going to do this as the smoke from my wife's cigarette wafts through the screen door every night after dinner and i dream about stealing "just one puff."  i'm going to do this so that my wife will see how strong willed i am, and how positive this change is for my life, and maybe, just maybe, that will change the way she thinks about smoking too.

my passion:  my biggest passion in life is brewing beer at home.  i've been doing it for about a decade and have become quite skilled at the craft.  it seems like half of the garage is filled with brewing equipment, and i'm always reading brewing books and dreaming up new recipes and ideas.  every month i bring homemade beer to a local competition and face off with other brewers.  each week i attend a tasting of craft beer, and discuss beer for hours on end with other passionate brewers like myself.  the problem is, smoking is beginning to affect my palate.  one of the things i pride myself on the most is being able to identify subtle flavors and aromas in beer, and suddenly i am finding it much more difficult than ever before.  i've even tasted the same beer at different times (after smoking or when i haven't smoked) and had a completely different experience.  the saddest part is when a new brewer gives me the first beer they've ever made, knowing that i am famous among the brewers here as being very outspoken at tastings, and i suddenly find that i can't describe the flavor at all.  brewing is something that i hope to someday do for a living, and i can't bear the thought of losing the ability to taste and smell a truly great beer.

my other passion:  i also love to play acoustic guitar and sing.  smoking has destroyed my singing ability and completely changed my voice.  i also believe that it has muffled my hearing, which makes me more likely to sing off-key than before.  on top of that, it has become increasingly difficult to belt out songs with the passion and vigor that i desire.

my religious beliefs:  i won't go into a long-winded theological discussion, but i'll just say that i don't think killing myself is an appropriate action after i've been given this amazing gift of life.  i think every day is a gift and i think smoking is a way of commiting suicide and destroying whatever experiences i could have had here on earth.  it's just an easier, slower, less gruesome way than cutting your wrists or hanging yourself.  it's the way that weak people kill themselves, and i feel weak in my mind and my spirit as i slowly take my own life with cigarettes.